pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
smell my finger.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
