Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
