It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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