So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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