whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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