No stitches, just platelets and will power
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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