whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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