Your dad touched me again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
