i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
