You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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