am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
