im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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