She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
