I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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