So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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