turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
