Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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