it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
