I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
