apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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