I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
