So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
