We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
