this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
