Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
