i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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