I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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