somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
