pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize