You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
