Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
