So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
