my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize