after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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