just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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