I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
