I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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