Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
