dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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