We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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