Screwed.edu
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
