So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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