the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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