This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize