When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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