I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
