Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
