i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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