You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
