I wannas sexs uuuuu
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
