blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
