I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
