Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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