in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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