so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
