I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize