feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
