Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my vag is so smooth its legendary
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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