The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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