I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
