All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
