it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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