Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
