You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When are your genitals available?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize