I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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