Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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