How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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