She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
